someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need water and some morals
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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