I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
