STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
