Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize