I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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