and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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