so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
