my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
