My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize