so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
