Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish my penis had a tongue
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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