Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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