I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
vagina is talking i cant
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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