I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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