So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How naked do you want me to be?
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