the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
