This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize