I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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