I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
