I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
