But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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