He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
