Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
