He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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