just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
