I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So squirting runs in the family.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
