I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
