drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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