I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
