wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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