apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
