Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
