So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
