Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
