You can't motorboat a personality
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
