I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
