my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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