I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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