i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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