DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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