he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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