if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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