he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think people are normalizing furries
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
