i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
