The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
