Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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