I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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