Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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