dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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