I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Still dying that you shit outside
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
