I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
