so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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