and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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