my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
