You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
