My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
