Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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