I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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