I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
