Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
