At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
