So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
