I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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