well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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