mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
