just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize