your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
