we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
