Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
