I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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