We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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