things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
