Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
