If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
