You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
