Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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