Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
