So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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