I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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