Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
