Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Im part way to drunk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
