I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
