He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
