i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
