I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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