can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
