I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
