white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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