No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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