Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
