hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
