wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
