Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
