considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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