i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
